R.I.P. Blog

A Final Haiku



With waning free time,
Decided to put him down.
He was a good boy.

Dude Looks Like A Lady

Or does the lady look like a dude?

Um. When did Kyra Sedgwick become Steven Tyler? Or did Steven Tyler become Kyra Sedgwick? Does the chicken and egg thing even matter at this point?



Steven Tyler
Singer/Actor/Coke-Addled Skelton



Kyra Sedgwick
Actress/Pitchwoman/Mrs. Kevin Bacon’s Skeleton


Egads.

Chez Desk: A Dining Review

Upon arriving at the finely appointed reception area, I was at once reminded of a quaint café that I happened upon while in Savannah one summer. Because it, too, smelled of Windex.




The walk to my table offered a lively preview of what was to come by allowing me to experience the overall ambiance in its entirety. The closely aligned avocado walls said “claustrophobic” without any of the pretense often associated with haughtier, more spacious establishments. And the patchwork carpet harkened back to a simpler time, one populated by bellbottoms and Mork from Ork.




The industrial-sized fan and dehumidifier added to the décor a hint of whimsy and black mold, resulting from a weekend-long power outage and subsequent ice machine meltdown/overflow combo. The squishiness was charming.




My place setting was nestled into a cozy corner next to a window that afforded a view of an idyllic lawn where chipmunks chased one another and hawks ate them. The soft glow from a pair of computer monitors added a sense of romance, mostly due to the images of Internet erotica they displayed. Who even knew such websites existed? Certainly not I.



I ordered the Grilled Steak Sandwich with caramelized onions, fresh provolone and a creamy horseradish sauce piled high atop a freshly baked and lightly toasted baguette. Accompanying it was Tippah County Caviar…a delightfully spicy blend of black-eyed peas, peppers and seasoning. What I got was this:




Of course, that didn’t stop me from brutalizing it.


With the exception of the meal coming in the midst of a 14-hour workday, all in all it was a rather enjoyable experience. Particularly the part that included the erotica.

The Dirtiest Thing I Heard on TV Tonight

"Nobody spurts better than North Carolina."

--Clark Kellogg, CBS College Basketball Commentator, calling the North Carolina vs. Villanova Final Four basketball Game

The Dirtiest Thing I Heard on TV Last Night

"They're knotted at 69."

-- Jim Nantz, CBS College Basketball Commentator, calling the Texas vs. Duke NCAA Tournament Game

Hail To The Dick

No wonder the rest of the world hates us.

Ode To The Guy Who Bagged My Groceries Today

My bags are plastic, yes environmentally unsound
Judge not, thou chain smoking dolt with CO-belching Tercel,
‘Tis not for you to cast, oh stone so round
Yon dirty apron betrays the visage of one masquerading not to smell.
Yea, effort for order, eggs always on top
Separate bags for soup cans, bread to itself
Steps to be followed, verily, eye contact, not.
Random items trailing on ebony conveyor belt, longing for homes
To carry them home, home to my shelf.
Go gently, ye bagger, lone eye on the time clock
Break time is nigh, as is your next smoke
Vantage Ultra lights, coupled with PayDay bar in your smock
Sweet release, longing for Xbox, no broken yolks.