New and Improved!

I want my money back.

All Blowed Up

“Hey look everybody! Look ever there! Come on, let’s go! Wow, it’s a giant…um…inflatable…geez, what is that? Is it a monkey crotch? No way. Are you shitting me? Seriously? So, like, what? Am I supposed to just let my kids crawl right on up in that thing? I mean, judging by the shoes lying around, it may have already claimed up to three kids by now. Well, who am I kidding? It’s not so much the safety issue, is it? It’s the Wrongness Meter that’s completely off the charts at this point. Oh lord, where are its hands?? Gosh, you think we should we call somebody? I feel like I need a shower.”

The End of an Era

Going the way of the DoDo, the Edsel and Paula Abdul’s sobriety.

Seal Haiku

My wife says she’s bored.
I can’t relate to my kids.
Being a seal sucks.