Dateline: Seaside. The Grapes of Wrath.

The 2006 Seaside Wine Festival.
A Review.


What: The somethingth annual gathering of people who appreciate good wine, bad music and women in their 50s dressing like women in their 20s.

Where: Seaside, Florida. A quaint resort designed to look and feel like a sleepy beachside community in Smalltown, USA, complete with pastel-colored clapboard houses, a town square, a logjam of 2-ton SUVs and thimblefuls of Tiramisu Gelato going for $4.50.

When: Saturday, November 4, 2006. A bright fall day filled with the idealistic promise of tomorrow’s hope and the painful realities of last night’s 24-pack.

Why: A chance to spend $80 to sample a wide variety of international wines, listen to salesmen agree with all of your insights about said sampled wines and pay hundreds of dollars to take home a few cases of your newfound discoveries.

How: Set the alarm for 5:00 a.m. or convince someone else who may or may not remain your friend to do so in order to claim one of the few available umbrellas in the town’s amphitheater.

Who: Beach vacationers, snowbirds, old college friends, girlfriends’ weekend get-togethers, the aimlessly wandering elderly and revelers from all walks of life. Basically, a bunch of winos, any way you shake it.

Overview
Part social gathering, part wine tasting, the wine festival gives you a great appreciation for some of the nice vintages available today, as well as a greater appreciation for the scientists who gave us sunblock and ibuprofen.

On the surface, it’s a refined event for those of culture and taste. At its core, it’s a fraternity party for people who are too old to lower themselves to the level of cooler dancing and kegstands.

Make no mistake, it is a grand excuse to get your buzz on. So should you make the journey to the coast in the coming years, keep in mind a few tips to help you identify and stay clear of those who may have imbibed a little too much for their, or your, own good: Wobbly gait, slurred order for a glass of Pinot with a hot dog all the way, black lips, purple teeth, red shirt stains, fetal position on the street corner, public urination, public defecation, public fornication and any form of visible bleeding.

Proposed theme for next year: See and be seen until you just can’t see anymore.