Yearbook Memories: Little Johnny Chen

Johnny: I’m looking for something different.
Barber: Does your shirt not already accomplish that goal?
Johnny: Hey, don’t underestimate how quickly the “Gay Aztec” look is likely to catch on.
Barber: Have you considered adding any accessories?
Johnny: Well, along with this gold stud earring, I’ve also got a peace symbol, a Diamondelle stud, a yin-yang symbol, and…
Barber: …and a gold cross?
Johnny: Yeah, how’d you know?
Barber: Call it a wild guess.
Johnny: Anyway, I thought having different earrings might get me noticed.
Barber: Well?
Johnny: It just got me ass beatings.
Barber: Yeah, some guys are threatened by that kind of stuff.
Johnny: It was mostly girls.
Barber: Oh.
Johnny: Do you think the moustache makes me look distinguished?
Barber: What moustache?
Johnny: Right here…I think it’s starting to come in nicely.
Barber: Hmmm…I thought maybe that was just residue from your BuffBoy, Jr. Chocolate Protein Shake.
Johnny: Chocolate makes my face break out.
Barber: Why am I not surprised?
Johnny: Anyway, I was thinking about doing something cool with my hair.
Barber: (…please don’t say Mohawk…please don’t say Mohawk…please don’t say Mohawk…)
Johnny: My friend Chewy got a Mohawk.
Barber: (DAMN!)
Johnny: I wish I’d thought of that first.
Barber: Uh…yeah, too bad.
Johnny: So I was wondering…how much midnight-jet-black dye do you have?
Barber: You sure black’s not too Goth?
Johnny: Nah, it’ll bring out the mini uni-brow thing I got going on.
Barber: Good point.
Johnny: I want something that will make me seem taller than 4’8”.
Barber: Have you considered making shorter friends?
Johnny: Maybe something vertical. Like, potential danger of impalement vertical.
Barber: Sure. The threat of imminent blinding to those around you might actually be a plus.
Johnny: And shave the sides. Really tight.
Barber: How about something akin to a Beagle’s scrotum?
Johnny: But leave it long in the back. The chicks dig the flowing locks.
Barber: All the better to yank you to the ground in a terrified hysteria.
Johnny: Yeah, that’s the ticket.
Barber: A one-way ticket to the Pepper Spray Club.
Johnny: Perfect! Just like that.
Barber: Oh man. I need to grab my camera so I can truly capture the magic of this moment.
Johnny: Wait, are my eyes crossed?
Barber: No more than usual. Now, say cheese.
Johnny: Chiz.