This Just In

An actual headline banner on CNN.com today:


Well, thank goodness we won’t be treating a key element of the voting for our highest office in one of the most important elections in the history of our country like a disputed game of kickball. Apparently there's no Constitutional provision for the "Do-Over." Who knew? Besides, setting that kind of precedent now might lead to headlines like this in the future:

“North Korea Declares War on United States for Having Cooties!”

“Serial Killer Sentenced to a Week of Detention.”

“After Being Tagged by U.S. Commandos, Iraqi Insurgents Now ‘It.’”

“National Day of Mourning Declared Following Death of First Lady’s Hamster.”

“NFL Star Not Allowed to Play Until He Eats His Broccoli.”

“Florida Trades Miami to Cuba for a Joe DiMaggio Rookie Card, A Piece of Bazooka Gum and a Water Pistol.”

“Rock, Paper, Scissors to Decide Israeli-Palestinian Peace Talks.”

“Oil Prices Level Off After O.P.E.C. Deemed A Bunch of Doodie Heads.”