Goin' to a Go Go

The Whisky A Go-Go. The gold standard when it comes to the L.A. rock and roll scene. One might even say the standard for the national rock and roll scene. Allow me to quote from the Whisky's own website:

"As long as there has been a Los Angeles rock scene, there has been the Whisky A Go-Go. An anchor on the Sunset Strip since it's opening in 1964, the Whisky A Go-Go has played host to rock 'n' roll's most important bands, from the Doors, Janis Joplin, and Led Zeppelin to today's up and coming new artists."

So, if the Whisky plays host to today's up and coming artists, then apparently, according to the upcoming schedule, today's up and coming artists are largely made up of nothing more than cover bands of rock and roll's most important bands. Wait...the up and coming artists that first made the Whisky famous for being cutting edge are now being covered by bands that that very institution might call "today's up and coming artists"? Is this a time/space chicken and egg thing? Did the Earth just stop spinning on its axis? Is a vortex going to open in the heart of West Hollywood and swallow all of Los Angeles? Well, if the upcoming acts at the Whisky are any indication, let's hope so.



First of all, which one of these geniuses came up with the name, do you think? Gotta be the guy playing the part of Robert Plant, right? Right out front sporting that red velvet smoking jacket and the permed-out golden locks. I can't imagine his ego letting "John Paul Jones" decide whether or not their backstage pimento cheese sandwiches should be on white or wheat ... much less have a say in something as important as naming the freaking band. Nice job, Mr. "Plant." My 7 year-old daughter is in awe of your pun mastery. Meanwhile Jimmy Page is rolling over in his grave. (Yeah, you say he's not dead. I say he just hasn't heard of these douchebags yet.)



A Jim Morrison Celebration! Being celebrated by a small gathering of shirtless, facial-haired homos, it would seem. "Ladies and gentlemen, playing the part of Ray Manzarek, Two-Tone, 'Handlebar' Steve Anderson! As Robbie Krieger, fresh from a 20-year stint in Branson, Missouri, Mr. Yakov Smirnov! Give it up! And lastly, you might know him as John Densmore, but to us he'll always be ... hang on a second ... who the hell's THAT guy? The one with the girly hair and the loose-fitting wife beater! What? The brother of the sound guy?? My God, where did my life go so wrong?"



Come on. Honestly. Rush has a cover band? I'd be willing to bet you could probably book the real thing for less money. It's not like Geddy Lee is committed to the Grammy's. Or even an appearance on Conan. Heck, I'd settle for him being cast on The Surreal Life 12: Vicksburg, just to prove that he's still got a pulse. Once these guys rip through a smoking version of "Tom Sawyer" and "Red Barchetta", what's left to play? Is the crowd screaming, "Totem!!" or "Alien Shore!!"? And when did Yanni learn to play the drums? Neil Peart, if you're listening (and I'm SURE you are), if you don't do something about this abomination, then I will! (On a secondary side note of suck, of all the Rush album names these guys could have used for the name of their band, "Caress of Steel" was the best they could do? CARESS of freaking Steel? I know it's Rush and all, but other, infinitely cooler choices might have been "Roll the Bones", "Test for Echo" and "Vapor Trail". Or they could have been completely honest with themselves, and all of us, and gone with the more appropriate "Nobody Liked Us in High School.")



Another inspired name that says it all. Sounds more like a white collar corporate retreat filled with team-building exercises and a ropes course. But I want to get this straight. This unholy communion of ass monkeys is "back" at the Whisky?? Implying that they've been there before. At least once. Holy Mother of God. A crappy 80's hair band known more for the spread of hepatitis "C" than recording meaningful music is not only being covered, but said cover band is making a RETURN appearance to the capstone of rock and roll history. Just when I was looking for a reason to go on living, you guys come along and take the decision right out of my hands.


I'm probably being too hard on the Whisky, though. As someone who has been there on more than a few occasions, I understand the need to sell tickets to a live show in this day and age. iTunes and roofies are making it too easy to stay home on a Saturday night. The days of whip-its and audience beach balls are all but over. One look at the above Whisky schedule, though, makes me glad I saved my $45 for something more useful. Like a lobotomy.