Dateline: New York City. More Is Less.

For such a small strip of land, Manhattan sure does have lots of stuff. More stuff, it would seem, than just about anywhere else in the world. More buildings, more people, more roads, more cars, more theaters, more restaurants, more unidentifiable odors, more Asian bootleg VHS street vendors, more trash, more tourists, more not clean air, more horns, more sirens and more taxis. Definitely more taxis. A brief rundown of my taxi experiences:

Location: LaGuardia Airport.
The Driver: A young, soft-spoken African American.
Taxi Condition: Actually it was a blue mini van and not a real NYC taxi.
Overall Experience: Hooked up with this vehicle when the line at the taxi stand ended up stretching to Flushing. 45 minutes to an hour wait, easy. This guy was offering service to midtown for a flat rate. And just a few dollars more than what I knew a metered fare would be. The catch? Sharing the ride with two other a parties: a chattering German-speaking family of three returning from Disney World and a single female who slept the whole way through TONS of inbound traffic.
The Result: Almost died.

Location: West 43rd Street.
The Driver: An impeccably dressed middle-aged man of Mediterranean descent.
Taxi Condition: A brand new Ford Escape SUV. Clean and comfortable.
Overall Experience: Monday night traffic heading downtown is hectic enough. When the driver is engaged in an enthusiastic conversation on his Blue Tooth phone, it makes things seem even more chaotic. Not your typical cabbie, he looked as though he should be manning the door at an upscale nightclub.
The Result: Almost died.

Location: East 30th Street and Fifth Avenue.
The Driver: A young Middle Eastern man.
Taxi Condition: Very used, slightly rank, lots of rattles and squeaks, along with what may have been a moan coming from the trunk.
Overall Experience: A mercifully short ride.
The Result: Almost died.

Location: East 15th Street and Fifth Avenue.
The Driver: I don’t really remember. I was pretty hammered.
Taxi Condition: I have a vague recollection of smelling cabbage. Could have been me.
Overall Experience: It got me back to my hotel’s bar. Exactly where I did not need to go. At the time, the experience ranked rather high. The next day, not so much.
The Result: Almost died.

Location: East 32nd Street and Madison Avenue.
The Driver: An older Middle Eastern man with a long white beard and a black Kufi skullcap.
Taxi Condition: Quite weathered. Even more quite smelly.
Overall Experience: Made the extra effort not to let exposed skin touch any part of the interior. Tightly sealed windows made for a stuffy late morning ride downtown. Tightly sealed windows ensured a sweaty bologna odor. Any time you arrive in Chinatown and think it actually smells better outside than in the cab, you know you’ve endured something special.
The Result: Almost died.

Location: Canal and Broadway.
The Driver: A young, quiet Middle Eastern man. Made passing comments about the weather by saying things like “hot” and “sticky.” At least I hope he was talking about the weather.
Taxi Condition: Used. Rolled down windows kept the air circulating and the blaring horns right in my ear.
Overall Experience: Pleasant. Except for lunchtime traffic around Wall Street. Not the cabbies fault.
The Result: Almost died.

Location: World Trade Center.
The Driver: A large Greek Orthodox native of Queens. Very proud to be a New Yorker. Very knowledgeable about all things New York. Very eager to point each one out.
Taxi Condition: Pristine, by taxi standards.
Overall Experience: Could be considered the cheapest Gray Line Tour in the city. From Battery Park in lower Manhattan, up through Soho, Greenwich Village, the Flower District, Chelsea, cross town to Murray Hill, up Park Avenue to the Queensboro Bridge, through Long Island City, Sunnyside and out to LaGuardia, the cabby knew the history of every building and every street along the way. And boy did he share. Non-stop chatter. But the car was clean and the air was unfouled. I’ll take that any day.
The Result: Almost died.